The Other 99%

Photo credit: exterface.com

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be gay, young, and single in Phoenix.

In a city of 1.5 million people, taking the age old stat of 1 out of every ten are queer, that means there are 150,00 queers in Phoenix, about half are female. So for a gay man in Phoenix, Az, like myself, there are approximately 75,000 other gay men for me to choose from.

I guess there really are plenty of rainbow trout in the sea. Some friends of mine have been wondering why they don't meet anybody when we're out & about at the bars and clubs. There are all the generic answers to try and calm their emotions and stroke their egos, like; you're not going to meet a quality guy at a bar, or they're all looking to get laid, not to find a boyfriend.

But those statements can't be true. After all, we aren't only looking to get laid, and we're quality men who like to go out and dance with our friends, so why should we assume that we're the only ones and the rest are all trash?

That's hypocritical, and I don't like being a hypocrite.

On any given night, especially at one of our favorite and probably largest of the gay bars in the city - the max number of men we could see there, I'd say, would be around 300-500. That's less than 1% of the 75,000 gay men in Phoenix. Less than 1%! On any given night out, we're only seeing about 1% of the gay male populous - that's insane!

So . . . now onto the harder questions. How do I meet a guy in the other 99%? Does serendipity really exist? Could it really be as easy as hanging out at a coffee shop or book store and brushing hands against the man of my dreams as we both reach for the same thing, like I fantasize? Well, I do hang out at coffee shops and book stores, and that never happens. Usually I'm too chicken-shit to say anything to anybody, least of all a guy I'm attracted to, mostly because I'm unsure of his sexual orientation. But also because I'm unsure if I'm cute enough, thin enough, muscle-y enough, smart enough, fashionable enough, quirky enough, sexy enough, funny enough, et cetera, et cetera. Why do I do this to myself? Why do we all do this to ourselves?

When I think back to all the meaningful relationships I've had and how I met those guys - it truly was serendiptious. By chance we had the same class together, by chance we met at the same theatre company meeting, by chance I was stage managing a show he was in. So why on Earth would I expect to meet someone that I could have a meaningful relationship with, when I'm forcing it? I'm not saying that I should "stop looking" or anything ridiculous like that - I really think that that saying, "you'll never find it if you're looking for it" is bullshit invented by all our friends who have boyfriends so that they can get us singletons to shut up.

But I do believe that there is something to be said about destiny when it comes to love. And I really hope that my destiny involves somebody out of that other 99%. Sometimes, I think I should just ask myself,

Are you ready?